I’m afraid of not liking my parents if I find out they hurt me when I was little. I want to be able to love them and be close to them. Maybe it isn’t worth finding out what happened to me, or is it?
That is a real and serious question. Would you rather live with the truth or with your hoped for fantasy? Would you rather have your whole self, or your relationship with your parents? I suggest you look at what troubles you in life and decide how much you want that to be different.
So what in me probably has to do with past childhood abuse? No one is perfect, what can I assume about myself is attributable to childhood abuse?
Low self esteem, relationship dissatisfaction, trust issues, lack of self actualization, unnecessary fears and anxiety, problems with your sexuality, to list only the most obvious. I have never known a person who has worked on their childhood abuse be sorry they did.