Comments on: Relationship Therapy http://annveilleux.com Meaningful change for a better life Mon, 05 Mar 2012 00:26:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: Ann http://annveilleux.com/helping-you/relationship-therapy/#comment-88 Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:56:59 +0000 http://hush/AVOnline/?page_id=34#comment-88 JG,
Your email doesn’t say whether you agree with your wife that these things you have done are trust beakers.
Do you agree that having contact with women is something you should not do? Would you object if your wife had men friends that were not sexual?
Do you think that there is something wrong with purchasing things with out having the your wife’s knowledge and permission? Is checking with one another about purchases something you think is an important thing to do?

In your estimation, are you an equal member of this marriage or do you feel one-down/in a child like role to her grown up/parental role? To be subjected to rules you don’t agree are important is to be treated like a child, and to respond by trying to please and “be better” is also coming from a child’s position.

If you have reluctantly agreed to do as asked but were just going along with to keep the peace or otherwise agreed to against your own beliefs, then this needs attention first.

However if you have broken your own standards, then the question becomes ” why have you done this?” Were the other women a way to fill an unfilled need of some kind, a way to be quietly angry at your wife, or have they filled some other purpose? Did you buy the motor cycle on your own because you didn’t believe she would approve or ??? Understanding your own motives will point the way to what needs to change in your self or in your marriage to restore trust, satisfaction and closeness for both of you.

We can discuss my sliding scale if you or you and your wife would like an appointment.

]]> By: JG http://annveilleux.com/helping-you/relationship-therapy/#comment-84 Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:29:16 +0000 http://hush/AVOnline/?page_id=34#comment-84 I violated my wife’s trust (again) when I recently purchased my first motorcycle without discussing it with her. (I am 56 years old and this issue is long-standing.) The “again” reference is in having contact with other women throughout our marriage without engaging in a physical relationship with them.
We/I need help but I have been unemployed now for a year and a half (though in two weeks I start a part time job). I did start my own business when we moved to Madison last summer and she is self employed so our ability to pay is severely restricted.
We are both so sad and hurting right now. She’s incredibly angry and I want to be with her for the rest of our lives. I am clueless on what to do…how to “make it better…be better”. She says it’s up to me to repair what’s broken.

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